A “stop the world” date idea 🛁

Welcome to The Spark (by Hunter at Show Her Off Dance).

Every Thursday, I’m going to send you a quick, five-minute email with fun date night ideas, conversation starters, and resources to help strengthen your relationship.

My goal is to help you and your partner have more fun, feel more closely connected and create more meaningful memories together (just like with Date Night Dancing).

Don’t want to receive the email? You can unsubscribe by clicking here.

PS - If you need your Date Night Dancing login info you can reset your password here.

Now, without further ado, let’s dive in…

Date Night

With Christmas right around the corner it’s a great time to plan for a ‘stop the world’ and relax together date.

This week, try to pick a night and pamper your partner with a nice in-home spa date.

If you have a bathtub, get some candles, bubble bath and music to setup a nice ambience for your partner to soak and wash away any holiday worries. Maybe a cup of hot chocolate or glass of wine to sip on too.

Alternatively (or additionally) you can give them a nice 30 minute backrub - candles, soft music are great for setting a relaxing mood here too.  There are plenty of ‘how to’ videos on Youtube if you’re not confident in your massage skills.

These are two examples to get you started, but feel free to plan out what works best for you and your partner.  

The theme/goal is “let’s spend 60 minutes together focused on relaxing and not thinking about the outside world” so whatever other ideas you may have to help bring that to life feel free to add them in! No technology allowed :)

The Love Lab

Does your partner ever ask, “Are you listening to me??” 

Or do you find yourself asking your partner this question? 

It can be frustrating, I know!

I’ve found a communication tool that’s super helpful for this. It’s called active listening and, while it’s pretty self explanatory, it also takes work to make it a habit.

Active listening is when you make a conscious effort to hear what the other person is saying.

Studies show we only retain 25-50% of what we hear, so any help in this department is welcome, right?

The biggest part of this is making an effort to pay attention when your partner’s talking. Ie -  put down the phone, make sustained eye contact and process what they’re saying.

For those who love to banter, it can be hard not to form counter opinions while the other person is speaking, but this can make your partner feel like you aren’t listening.

How do you show them you’re paying attention? 

• Sustained eye contact is good

• Nodding, saying “uh huh” and expressing your reaction on your face indicates you’ve heard them

• Even better (and takes more practice) is reflective listening - repeat back to your partner what emotion you feel they are communicating. Ie - “Wow it sounds like you’re really annoyed that she hasn’t been responding to you in a timely manner”

• Positioning your body towards them

• Commenting and asking questions shows them you’re listening and interested in what they’re saying

Saying all that, though, once your partner has said what they want to say, of course you’re allowed to disagree! 

Active listening isn’t about just nodding and agreeing with everything they say but if you start disagreeing with them before they’re even finished, I find that leads to trouble ;)

To go further on developing this skill I highly recommend the book I Hear You by Michael Sorensen