Defining Terms - A simple process to 10x your communication

The Spark (by Hunter at Show Her Off Dance).

Connecting Conversations

Sometimes a great question is all you need to start a meaningful conversation :)

This weekend, try asking your significant other:

• If you could take me back in time to share one moment of your life, what would it be?

• Would you rather be loved, respected or admired?

• How can we prioritize our relationship when there are so many other things competing for our time and attention?

The Love Lab

Defining Terms.

One challenge with communication is we can be using the same words, but mean different things. A shortcut to cutting through the muck and adding a deeper level connection with your partner is sitting down together and “defining terms”.

What does that mean?

Let’s say your partner texts you something and says “it’s important”.

Does that mean you need to stop what your doing and immediately address it?
Or that we need to talk about it tonight?
Or rather we can revisit it this next weekend?

Those are just 3 of many definitions important could imply.

So to clear that up, you two can spend and hour or two sitting down and defining some of your most common terms.

Let’s say in this case you both discuss and agree, “we define important as needing to be addressed / discussed further within 24 hours”.

Now going forward you have a shared, agreed upon definition of what the word means equally to you both - which means you’ll know when to use it and also what it means when your partner uses it.

I feel like this is one of those things that a stitch in time saves 9. It may feel silly at first, and I’m not saying you have dive in and define 100 terms, but try this:

1. Sit down together with an open heart & mind, no phones, distractions or interruptions for 60 minutes

2. Define 6 common terms you use frequently together (suggestions below). This is not the dictionary definition, but YOUR co-created definition.

3. After agreeing on the definitions, type them up in a shared Google Doc or Evernote note or your favorite note taking app. This becomes your secret, shared lexicon - how cool!

4. For the next 7 days do your best to reference the note, honor the definitions and just see how it goes

As a marketer I like to think of this as a ‘test’.

We’re just testing, trying it out with good faith, let’s see what happens?

The best terms to start with are based on where the friction happens most in your relationship / communication. Here are some starter terms to pick from if you’re having trouble thinking of some:

Important (or urgent)
Need some space (or need to recharge)
Listen
Respect
Love
Let it go
Need your help
Quality time
I don’t want
I want (for example does this mean you must have it, or ‘it would be nice’? etc)

Let me know what you come up with!

Thoughtful Text Idea

Adding a little “cheese” can remind your partner how much you care about them AND make them laugh. Here are a few ideas to pick from and text today:

1. Are you a triangle? Because you acute. MMM

2. What are your favorite letters of the alphabet? Mine are U and I.

3. I miss you as much as Stormtroopers miss their targets (for my fellow Star Wars nerds heehee)